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How God Held My Marriage Together
Anonymous
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)
On an ordinary Friday, there is a knock on the door and a person I have met once or twice asks me to step outside for a minute. He has proof that my husband is having an affair with his wife. This is the last thing I expected to happen to me on this day or ever! The memory is still quite vivid and still gets my heart racing when I relive that day in my head. Did I think of 1 Corinthians 13:7? No. I thought and said as I cried, “Lord, I cannot handle this! You only give us what we can handle, and I cannot handle this!” and I prayed.
What happened next was God’s hand. I turned to Christian friends and family for advice. The advice they gave me helped to save my family and my marriage. These friends suggested I not tell my kids – who were young and at home at the time – that I only tell a select few friends whom I could trust, not watch the proof I had been given, and seek a Christian marriage and family counselor. Now, I am thankful for this advice. Then, I wanted to let the world know how badly I had been hurt and I wanted to run as far away from my husband as possible. I was mentally numb and yet trying to swim through a raging river of emotion, while appearing calm and in control in front of my kids and “the world.” I didn’t know what to do at this time so I listened to their advice. There is no rule book or steps to follow, so what do you do? Through prayer, the one thing I knew I had to do was keep my family together. I was not sure what that would look like or how I would do it but I had to try for the sake of my children.
My husband confessed his sins to me. He was truly sorry for his sins. He wanted to keep our family together. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep our marriage together. He found a wonderful Christian counselor, through the help of our pastor. These counseling sessions proved to be a glimmer of hope in an otherwise dreary roller coaster ride. I began to see that love can bear all things and does endure all things. Was it easy? No! It took years, and we are still working on making our marriage better to this day. I do remember one thing the counselor said on our first visit. “I know it is hard to see right now, but your marriage can be better and stronger in the future.” I did not really believe her, but I hoped it was true. At first, I hoped it was true for my children, as I told myself I was doing this for them. I did not want them to grow up with divorce as I did. As months went by, I realized I was not alone in my trial; and I was doing this for many reasons, including myself. Jesus said to His Heavenly Father, in His humanity in strong crying, “I don’t want to go through this trial but I’m willing to if it is Your will.” Hebrews 5:7.
God had always been in my life. I prayed, I went to church, I read my Bible and I always tried to “do the right thing.” So why would God allow this to happen to me? What had I done that I deserved this? It was not fair, why did I have to go through this trial! Insert here anything - why does God allow brain tumors, cancer, disease, etc! What I learned is “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1Corinthians 13:7. Did my marriage miraculously change? Did forgiveness come easily? Did my husband turn into Prince Charming? No! Our marriage changed through lots of hard work, counseling and determination. It took me months and months to even be able to think about forgiveness. It took me 2 years to know I had forgiven and to understand you can forgive but you will not ever forget. Our marriage will always be a work in progress, but it is better and different than it was before. Through this trial, God showed me He is real, and love can endure as God’s love endures all things for me. This knowledge sustains me. Before I would sometimes doubt, but now I have the peace of knowing He is there on the sunny warm beaches and in the hurricane. He is light, and He will not forsake me. He has shown me how to love, how to forgive and how to live. Infidelity is crushing, but it can be overcome. It can be overcome if both people are willing to forgive, work, trust God and love each other as Christ loves us.
